Before you get the wrong idea let me make one thing real clear. There is no way on earth I could ever use words to tell you how much I love my husband. He is more than just the man I love—he is my very best friend, my confidant, my biggest supporter, and my source of comfort. His shoulder is the one I cry on, he is the one who picks me up when I’m down, and he is the one person on this earth who makes me the happiest. When he is at work I am constantly watching the clock counting down the minutes till we will be together again, because I never feel whole when he is away. He truly completes me. I know that not very many women get to experience love as deep and as true as I do and am very thankful for the love we share. It is special and I know it. That being said I must confess that despite all I just shared I don’t truly love my husband. Confused?!? Let me explain.
Recently I was reading my Bible and it just so happened that I found myself reading what is commonly known as “the love chapter.” (1 Corinthians 13) Just in case you aren’t familiar with it I’ll share some of it with you.
Verses 4-7
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
As I read, God spoke to me. “Erica, you’re not doing such a great job at loving Josh are you.”
“That’s crazy!” I thought, “I love him more than anyone else on earth.”
(Don’t look at me all spiritual like—I know I’m not the only one who argues with God.)
“Oh really” God questioned. “Then what about last night when you got upset when Josh didn’t take the trash out as soon as you asked? You looked a little provoked to me when that happened. What about when he asked you to get out of bed and turn off the television for him? Instead of doing that simple thing he asked, you burrowed in deeper under the warm covers and made him do it. If you can’t suffer two seconds in the cold air I would say you’re not suffering long for him on any level. Don’t forget how you begged Josh to take off work on Friday to spend time with you. You know he has to work to pay the bills, and yet you made him feel guilty for putting his work before you, it sounds like you were envious of his time to me. It sure looks to me like you are more concerned with pleasing yourself rather than loving Josh.”
Yup, the wind was knocked right out of my sails. (Arguing with God can be such a humbling experience—can I get an amen on that?)
Gosh, I sure have been a pretty big jerk lately. My dear sweet darling hubby works long, hard hours at two different jobs so that I can stay home with our girls and you know what I do?
I complain that I’m stuck in the house and the kids are getting on my nerves (I love them, I truly do cherish every second I have with them, but honestly, how many rounds of off key ‘twinkle twinkle little star’ can you take before loosing a few marbles?) Complain that everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING in my house and van stinks of pee. (Have I mentioned that I’m potty training a two year old and two, not one but two, dogs?) I get angry because he came home and tracked mud in on my sticky, cheerio covered, peed on floors-how dare he…. Right?! I refuse to go get something out of the garage for him because I’m busy doing other things, but get upset when he doesn’t get me a glass of tea when I ask.
Yup, I’ve been doing a really pathetic job at loving my husband, and chances are I’m not the only one. It’s not easy to put someone else before your own wants and needs. It’s not easy to choose to ignore things that upset and hurt your feelings. Lets face it, in a marriage there are going to be times when a wife disagrees with her husband-most likely there will be lots of those times. I recently got some really good advice from Teri Maxwell that I am going to quote from her blog.
“When a wife disagrees with her husband, either she is right or he is right. Let's first assume that she is discerning Scripture correctly, and her husband it the one not obeying the Word. Then I believe 1 Peter 3:1 would apply. The verse says she is not to say a word.
Often it is a wife's words that get her into trouble. She sees something she thinks isn't right. She expresses her concern, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction. Nothing changes. She brings it up again, in another way. Nothing changes. Over the course of the years, this becomes a continual pattern for her. She has tried repeatedly with her words to win her husband to her way of thinking. Rather than being successful, she has grown the wedge between them. Perhaps the reason she hasn't been successful has to do with the teaching in these verses.
While I believe strongly in the truth 1 Peter 3:1 teaches for a wife in how to handle a disagreement with her husband, I am not saying it is easy. I have been trying to learn to be obedient to this verse for over thirty years. There has certainly been improvement in my life, but I have further to go. However, it is my heart's desire to keep praying and asking the Lord for His grace in this area. I also ask Steve's forgiveness when I fail, and I try to choose the path of obedience when a conflict rages in my heart over wanting to say something versus being quiet.
The second possibility is that the husband is right, and the wife is wrong. In this case it is obviously best that the wife is quiet and doesn't persuade her husband to her position. Therefore, it appears to me that whether a wife is right or wrong, her best direction when there is disagreement between her husband and her is to be quiet.
The word "conversation" in verses one and two does not refer to spoken words between people. It is the same Greek word (anastrepho) in both verse one and two. According to Strong's Greek and Hebrew dictionary, it means "behavior." A husband is not won by the words of his wife but rather by her behavior.”
Yes, dear friends, I have a lot to learn about loving my husband.
I have confessed to God and to my husband both and now am making this confession public in hopes that it will help other wives want to do a little better at loving their husbands also.
I do truly love my Husband, and day by day, little by little, I am going to get better at it.
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