Not Your Every Day Memorial Box Story...

Hello Blogosphere. Have you missed me? Did you even notice I was gone? Leah W. noticed and I love her to pieces for it! Ha!

So Leah... Where have I been? Well... mostly I've just been trying to get through each day and my days are crazy hectic. Thus, my 'me' time has pretty much evaporated. Writing, as of late, has been so beyond my capabilities. Of course I've 'written many posts in my head. Hopefully I'll be able to get them on paper in the coming days. Seriously, I need to make it a priority. There are so many thoughts colliding in my brain I'm pretty sure thats the reason I've been having serious headache issues lately. I've gotta get them out so I've promised myself to take time to write every day... or you know, at least more than once a year! :0) I figured I should first pay tribute to the newest addition to our family and what better way than through a Memorial Box story. So... without further ado....

{the not so fine print: Memorial Box Monday is a time to remember God's faithfulness in our lives. This was started by Linny, visit her blog and read the amazing stories she shares and go to the links to read heartwarming stories on other blogs. }

As you may recall my Hubby and I got the coolest Christmas present ever last year. The promise of a new life! Well you can bet your bottom dollar as soon as I found out I immediately knew I was going to pray diligently for one crazy thing. Simply because I wanted it, and if our dear friend Linny has taught me anything, it is that God - our "Miracle-Working, Mountain-Moving, Awe-Inspiring, Gasp-Giving God!!" - cares for the things we care about. Even the deceivingly little, seemingly unimportant things. Not only that He is exceedingly, abundantly capable of making the impossible possible! So I decided I was going to do something crazy. I was going to ask God for a VBAC even though I already had - not one - but two c-sections. It was what I wanted and so I asked God for it.

What can I say?  I'm just not into lying on an operating table and having my body cut open!

I did a TON of research and learned it was perfectly safe to try for a VBAC so long as there was no excessive scar tissue, I was closely monitored during labor, and no drugs were used to jump start labor. I prayed like crazy that my water would break on its own for the first time ever.

At first my doctor was adamantly opposed to me laboring at all but I continued to pray that she would change her mind. I was so very excited when out of no where she agreed to let me push back our scheduled c-section date a whole week! If that wasn't cool enough she then offered to push it back ANOTHER whole week { without me even asking!!! } to give my body ample time to do what it was supposed to all on its own. All the way to 41 weeks after being told originally I HAD to have a c-section at 38 weeks.  HOW TOTALLY ROCKING AWESOME IS GOD!?!

When I was a couple days shy of 40 weeks I learned my blood pressure had climbed to an unsafe elevation and my doctor was uncomfortable letting me wait any longer to go into labor on my own. I was absolutely devastated at the idea of having a c-section after all. This is what I had prayed for. God had already moved in miraculous ways. What in the world was going wrong?

To make matters worse my husband was in Texas unable to get home in time to be in the operating room with me. There aren't words to convey to you the emotional turbulence I went through in those dark hours. A time that should have been so exciting and so happy and so sweet was quickly souring. I can't even begin to describe to you how terrified I was at the prospect of not only a third c-section, but one without having my husband there by my side. Utter Despair.

This is where God takes the most awful rotten situation I have ever faced in my 2 years of living and turns it into something beautiful as only HE could.

Have I ever shared much about my Dad? Not really. Well, my impression of my father from growing up isn't exactly one that gives you warm fuzzies in your heart. When I think of him I see someone cold and strict—someone who doesn't understand why girls cry about everything and is angered by tears. (Keep in mind that this is the recollection of a teenage girl, he wasn't really cold and heartless. He just seemed that way.) Not that I can blame him. Growing up with no sisters and being raised by a Mom who had only brothers doesn't exactly give a man many opportunities to learn about the complexities of a delicate female heart. (Not that any man has ever succeeded to understand anyways.) So, through no fault of his own my Dad wasn't a, snuggle you close, listen to your hopes, fears, and dreams kind of Daddy. Hugs and "I love you" were reserved for special occasions. I was only guaranteed two a year, my birthday and Christmas—though I did get lucky a couple years with the occasional admittance to the hospital. I have one, just one single treasured memory, of a special time hanging out with my father, just me and my Dad. That was when he took me hunting as a pre-teen. I can still see the pride in his eyes as he held back a sticker bush and pushed my hunters orange cap back on my head. He was so proud of his little girl for shooting Bambi's mother moments earlier. { Oh the things we girls do for our Daddies! } I can not tell you how much I have longed for another memory like this. A tender moment where I knew my Dad loved me and was proud of me simply because I could see the love oozing out of his eyes. A moment where my big tough Dad let down his guard long enough to let me see past his stony exterior. As I said before, it is hard for me to relate to my Dad. Our relationship is awkward. I hate it, but thats just how it is. I pray that it will change one day, long for it to change one day, but don't dare dwell on it because it hurts to think about. Sorry I chased a rabbit trail... Back to my baby story...

God heard my pleas for a VBAC and declined giving me what I wanted and instead gave me a sweet tender memory so precious I never even dared to dream of asking for it.

My Dad went into that cold sterile frightening OR with me. My Dad held my hand. My Dad patted my head and stroked my hair. My Dad told me he loved me and was the first to whisper congratulations in my ear. Though I couldn't see love oozing out of his eyes { because I was flat on my back staring into bright surgical lights } I heard and felt it.

As if that wasn't enough my c-section was spectacular. The pain control was amazing during and after the procedure. { They gave me this really cool pain ball that was my best friend. It literally delivered pain medication directly to my incision. How cool is that!?! } I also learned that I had a lot of scar tissue inside me that my doc had to cut out so a VBAC would actually have been more dangerous for me than anyone had anticipated! My nurses were super nice and there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that could have made my c-section go any better. I could go through it fifty more times so long as each time goes just like this one did. Except you know, it would be nice to have my husband there as well... ;0)

For nine months I prayed for a chance to avoid a c-section. My "Miracle-Working, Mountain-Moving, Awe-Inspiring, Gasp-Giving God!!" said "NO." That was the biggest, most extraordinary, rocking awesome, down right miraculous "NO" of my life to date!

Linny wrote in her post this past week, " His plans are not always ours, but if that is the case, then His plans are better than ours. Because He sees the beginning and the end. He watches and He moves. He remains faithful."My friends, that is the heart and soul of my Memorial Box story this week. Its remembering a time when God didn't answer my prayers. He did something WAY better.

Thank you Lord! Your plans are truly better than my own!!!!


And of course a few pictures for my memorial box... which really isn't a box at all... it's a memorial photo album, that I one day hope to make into a memorial scrapbook, but you get the point. Or at least I hope so! :0)

I just LOVE the smile behind that mask! 

Kori Brooke had Grandpa wrapped around her finger before he knew what hit him!