Memorial Box Monday Saturday

{the not so fine print: Memorial Box Monday is a time to remember God's faithfulness 

in our lives. This was started by Linny, visit her blog and read the amazing stories she shares.}

Backed up against the wall with nowhere to go. The weight of the world is crushing me. Suffocating. I don’t know to whom to cry out for help. Don’t know if I even can.

I stumble into and out of church wondering if I’m invisible. I’m in a room full of people and yet I feel so very very alone. Happy smiling people surround me and my heart pleads for a hug, a smile, a kind word even. My throat is dry, and my lips stay shut, arms wrapped around my middle keeping the hurt inside. No one can hear my silent cries for help. No one can see my pain.

I feel uncomfortable in Sunday school and stop going… choosing to hide in the nursery with my baby instead. When my baby is plagued with sickness and I miss a month of Sundays I feel as if no one really cares . The motivation to come back is gone for the first time since I started going as a teenager. We go occasionally at best.

Financially we’re ruined. Month’s without hot water. Limited heat all winter long. When the food stamps run out at the end of the month I struggle to feed my babies and I hope and pray the little ones don’t get sick again because it’s a long drive to the doctor and my gas tank sits on E. {deep breath} Collectors call asking for their money. Some make threats to take away our home and leave us without a place to pillow our heads at night. My husband works non-stop, so much so that he is only home for six days every 6-9 weeks and yet the paychecks are minimal at best.

He doesn’t deserve this.  My kids don’t deserve this.

It’s not fair…

Or is it?

We have our health. We have each other. What more could we ask for? Nothing. We already have far more than we deserve.

Be as it may we’re at the end of our rope. Backed into a corner up against the wall with nowhere to go.

Right were God wants us.

I find myself smack dab in the middle of my own modern day Exodus. The Egyptian army is closing in. The Red Sea stretches out as far as I can see.

Trapped.

 Nowhere to go.

Complete and utter ruin is eminent.

But God…

The water is doing something funny. I can’t explain it but the waves are acting crazy.

A  truck breaks down. 

A nudge from a friend.  

A  phone call.

Can it be? Is there a path forming?

My husband comes home early for Christmas and NEVER goes back.

I stand in awe. 

Dumb shocked.

Mouth agape I watch the water rise. I walk on solid ground again.

I am blessed beyond measure to walk my modern day Red Sea.

I'm not on the other bank just yet, but I stand protected by the wall of God's faithful protection. I look behind me and see how far He has already brought us.

I must remember!

Boiling water for baths on Sunday mornings before church. Bitter tears of loneliness cried into my pillow at night. The pang of solitude in a crowded sanctuary.

God’s been good.

It’s easy to forget but I won’t.

I can’t help but believe God truly allowed this deep pain in my life this past year to open my eyes to the pain in others who surround me daily.

Not Your Every Day Memorial Box Story...

Hello Blogosphere. Have you missed me? Did you even notice I was gone? Leah W. noticed and I love her to pieces for it! Ha!

So Leah... Where have I been? Well... mostly I've just been trying to get through each day and my days are crazy hectic. Thus, my 'me' time has pretty much evaporated. Writing, as of late, has been so beyond my capabilities. Of course I've 'written many posts in my head. Hopefully I'll be able to get them on paper in the coming days. Seriously, I need to make it a priority. There are so many thoughts colliding in my brain I'm pretty sure thats the reason I've been having serious headache issues lately. I've gotta get them out so I've promised myself to take time to write every day... or you know, at least more than once a year! :0) I figured I should first pay tribute to the newest addition to our family and what better way than through a Memorial Box story. So... without further ado....

{the not so fine print: Memorial Box Monday is a time to remember God's faithfulness in our lives. This was started by Linny, visit her blog and read the amazing stories she shares and go to the links to read heartwarming stories on other blogs. }

As you may recall my Hubby and I got the coolest Christmas present ever last year. The promise of a new life! Well you can bet your bottom dollar as soon as I found out I immediately knew I was going to pray diligently for one crazy thing. Simply because I wanted it, and if our dear friend Linny has taught me anything, it is that God - our "Miracle-Working, Mountain-Moving, Awe-Inspiring, Gasp-Giving God!!" - cares for the things we care about. Even the deceivingly little, seemingly unimportant things. Not only that He is exceedingly, abundantly capable of making the impossible possible! So I decided I was going to do something crazy. I was going to ask God for a VBAC even though I already had - not one - but two c-sections. It was what I wanted and so I asked God for it.

What can I say?  I'm just not into lying on an operating table and having my body cut open!

I did a TON of research and learned it was perfectly safe to try for a VBAC so long as there was no excessive scar tissue, I was closely monitored during labor, and no drugs were used to jump start labor. I prayed like crazy that my water would break on its own for the first time ever.

At first my doctor was adamantly opposed to me laboring at all but I continued to pray that she would change her mind. I was so very excited when out of no where she agreed to let me push back our scheduled c-section date a whole week! If that wasn't cool enough she then offered to push it back ANOTHER whole week { without me even asking!!! } to give my body ample time to do what it was supposed to all on its own. All the way to 41 weeks after being told originally I HAD to have a c-section at 38 weeks.  HOW TOTALLY ROCKING AWESOME IS GOD!?!

When I was a couple days shy of 40 weeks I learned my blood pressure had climbed to an unsafe elevation and my doctor was uncomfortable letting me wait any longer to go into labor on my own. I was absolutely devastated at the idea of having a c-section after all. This is what I had prayed for. God had already moved in miraculous ways. What in the world was going wrong?

To make matters worse my husband was in Texas unable to get home in time to be in the operating room with me. There aren't words to convey to you the emotional turbulence I went through in those dark hours. A time that should have been so exciting and so happy and so sweet was quickly souring. I can't even begin to describe to you how terrified I was at the prospect of not only a third c-section, but one without having my husband there by my side. Utter Despair.

This is where God takes the most awful rotten situation I have ever faced in my 2 years of living and turns it into something beautiful as only HE could.

Have I ever shared much about my Dad? Not really. Well, my impression of my father from growing up isn't exactly one that gives you warm fuzzies in your heart. When I think of him I see someone cold and strict—someone who doesn't understand why girls cry about everything and is angered by tears. (Keep in mind that this is the recollection of a teenage girl, he wasn't really cold and heartless. He just seemed that way.) Not that I can blame him. Growing up with no sisters and being raised by a Mom who had only brothers doesn't exactly give a man many opportunities to learn about the complexities of a delicate female heart. (Not that any man has ever succeeded to understand anyways.) So, through no fault of his own my Dad wasn't a, snuggle you close, listen to your hopes, fears, and dreams kind of Daddy. Hugs and "I love you" were reserved for special occasions. I was only guaranteed two a year, my birthday and Christmas—though I did get lucky a couple years with the occasional admittance to the hospital. I have one, just one single treasured memory, of a special time hanging out with my father, just me and my Dad. That was when he took me hunting as a pre-teen. I can still see the pride in his eyes as he held back a sticker bush and pushed my hunters orange cap back on my head. He was so proud of his little girl for shooting Bambi's mother moments earlier. { Oh the things we girls do for our Daddies! } I can not tell you how much I have longed for another memory like this. A tender moment where I knew my Dad loved me and was proud of me simply because I could see the love oozing out of his eyes. A moment where my big tough Dad let down his guard long enough to let me see past his stony exterior. As I said before, it is hard for me to relate to my Dad. Our relationship is awkward. I hate it, but thats just how it is. I pray that it will change one day, long for it to change one day, but don't dare dwell on it because it hurts to think about. Sorry I chased a rabbit trail... Back to my baby story...

God heard my pleas for a VBAC and declined giving me what I wanted and instead gave me a sweet tender memory so precious I never even dared to dream of asking for it.

My Dad went into that cold sterile frightening OR with me. My Dad held my hand. My Dad patted my head and stroked my hair. My Dad told me he loved me and was the first to whisper congratulations in my ear. Though I couldn't see love oozing out of his eyes { because I was flat on my back staring into bright surgical lights } I heard and felt it.

As if that wasn't enough my c-section was spectacular. The pain control was amazing during and after the procedure. { They gave me this really cool pain ball that was my best friend. It literally delivered pain medication directly to my incision. How cool is that!?! } I also learned that I had a lot of scar tissue inside me that my doc had to cut out so a VBAC would actually have been more dangerous for me than anyone had anticipated! My nurses were super nice and there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that could have made my c-section go any better. I could go through it fifty more times so long as each time goes just like this one did. Except you know, it would be nice to have my husband there as well... ;0)

For nine months I prayed for a chance to avoid a c-section. My "Miracle-Working, Mountain-Moving, Awe-Inspiring, Gasp-Giving God!!" said "NO." That was the biggest, most extraordinary, rocking awesome, down right miraculous "NO" of my life to date!

Linny wrote in her post this past week, " His plans are not always ours, but if that is the case, then His plans are better than ours. Because He sees the beginning and the end. He watches and He moves. He remains faithful."My friends, that is the heart and soul of my Memorial Box story this week. Its remembering a time when God didn't answer my prayers. He did something WAY better.

Thank you Lord! Your plans are truly better than my own!!!!


And of course a few pictures for my memorial box... which really isn't a box at all... it's a memorial photo album, that I one day hope to make into a memorial scrapbook, but you get the point. Or at least I hope so! :0)

I just LOVE the smile behind that mask! 

Kori Brooke had Grandpa wrapped around her finger before he knew what hit him!

Memorial Box Monday Wednesday

I never really planned to be where I am today. I didn't grow up wanting to be a stay at home Mom, let alone a homeschooling Mom. When I married my high school sweetheart we were young. Super young. I was 18 and he was 19. We had no money, we had no real plan for our future. We had nothing but each other and a fierce determination to stay in church no matter what. We both worked at McDonalds and we both were going to college. ( Humble beginnings... then again, not much has changed. ) I was going to be a teacher. Had always wanted to be one... as long as I could remember. He wasn't sure quite yet... maybe something computer related. When we had been married exactly four months I went to the school nurse and found out I was going to have a baby. Yikes! We weren't planning on that anytime soon at all! Having a baby changed me. I realized what God had made me for.

He made me to be a Mommy. (& to love my husband fiercely) 

Though I tried working at various times at various places I could never stick with it. I was a Mommy now and that was my life. Nothing was as fulfilling or as rewarding as being a wife and Mom. No amount of income was worth sacrificing time with my baby. I loved being pregnant so when baby number two was discovered I was ecstatic.

It was then that I started dreaming what everyone told me was truly a nightmare. That one day I would have a house filled to the brim with children. God gripped my heart for adoption.  I realized I wanted a family that truly reflected the heart of God. I wanted a family of blended ethnicities. I began to want to adopt from every possible country and I prayerfully gave up my desire to ever be pregnant again. A big deal for me since I absolutely love being pregnant. It was not an easy or lightly made decision and it sure took a while to surrender my will to God's. Ashamedly so. I must say its easy to say you'll do anything for God and another thing entirely to truly do anything. I loved being pregnant. I loved having a baby bump. I loved the wonder of feeling the kicks and hiccups. I loved cuddling with a newborn and breathing in that sweet baby smell. It was a lot to give up, but eventually I did so. I surrendered my will to His no matter what. In that moment I had never felt such anguish or heartache but I knew it was what I needed to do. 

Month after month my periods would come and go and at the start of each one I would feel the twinge of loss of never having another pregnancy. Each month I would have to spend time in prayer and re-submitting myself to His will. I had to fight through jealousy as I saw others become pregnant, I would have to fight through the feelings of 'its not fair' and yet again resubmit myself to Him. The hardest prayer I've ever prayed is most definitely, "Not my will but Yours." I didn't want to be so stubborn, but I was. Why is it that giving up my will is so hard when I know that He truly has the best possible plan for my life? It is a wonder to me that God puts up with me.

Early summer my periods stopped. I took a few tests but they were all negative. "This is it." I said to myself. God has closed my womb. There definitely won't be any more babies now. I again found it necessary to pray and praise my way through grief. Four months without a period I took my last test. I cried my last tears. I knew that I knew that it was finished. My next babies would be adopted and I was ok with that and I was fully done grieving. It a blessing to not have that monthly reminder of what I was missing.

In December I found out my baby sister was pregnant. "Oh Jennifer," I said. "Wouldn't it be fun if we could both be pregnant." I have no earthly idea why I did it but I got a pregnancy test and took it. I have never in my life taken a pregnancy test and had it show up positive. I have always needed a blood test to confirm pregnancies. I have no clue why I bought and took a test but I did. On a whim. For no reason at all other than to torture myself again for no reason I guess. My hubby was with me when I took it. He asked me how to tell if it was positive. I went over to the test and said, "a line will show up right here if I'm pregnant." As I pointed to the window on the test stick the boldest brightest line I have ever seen materialized literally right in front of our eyes. I nearly passed out. It had been more than seven months since my last period. Pee tests don't work for me.  You can't get pregnant without a period, can you?

A doctor visit and an ultra sound later I realized that God has given me a birthday present. My due date is in my birthday month! I don't deserve to be pregnant. I never expected to get to enjoy this again. I am so thankful and so grateful. Yes, we still plan to adopt. I still plan to fill up my house with children from all over the world, but while we are waiting for everything to fall into place for adoption God has given me a baby to help me wait out the long adoption process.

When I told God that I didn't have to have another pregnancy that I would let him fill my family His way I truly thought I would never again experience the thrill and joy of pregnancy again so I am soaking up every minute of every day.

A picture for the Memorial Box.....

Memorial Box Monday Tuesday

Memorial Box Monday is a time to remember God's faithfulness in our lives. This was started by Linny, visit her blog and read the amazing stories she shares and go to the links to read heartwarming stories on other blogs.

This Memorial Box post started when my husband and I came to realize that we were in a rut. Though he had a wonderful job working for a wonderful Christian man, with a crew of guys that needed salt and light, there wasn't much room for advancement to help support a growing family. Nor was he making enough in the first place for us to be able to do things like adopt. Nor was it a job he could continue while also returning to school. We realize that though we were comfortable we needed to make some changes.

We feel led to adoption and possibly foster parenting. We feel led to help work alongside some great missionaries to Africa... somehow... someway.

We want to serve God with all that we have no matter what He asks of us.

Though making a fortune is not important to us at all... we have come to realize that we do need a better financial situation in order to fulfill the calling that God has set on our hearts. Something that we know only God could provide for us so we set to praying. I heard somewhere along the way "pray like everything depends on God, and work like everything depends on you." It resounded deep within me and we prayed like crazy, we talked through some crazy ideas, and basically told God we would do anything he wanted from us.

No.Matter.What. ( Yes those three little words scare me! )

We came up with a plan A and a plan B. Plan A included a job arrangement. The job arrangement was for my Hubby to be working for a trucking company. He was going to sign with a company that would pay to train him and help him get his CDL, in turn he would have to work for them one year. As you know his mother died this past year. She had a trucking business that we are hoping to take over after working in the industry for that one year. The idea was that he would take a correspondence course from Liberty University while driving this year earning an associates degree in a ministry related field. He would have plenty of time for studying and plenty of people to witness and minister to out on the road at various truck stops and so forth. Afterward he would be able to own his own business and be able to better work around a job in the ministry much easier than he is able to with his current job. More financially independent and flexible we could follow God's calling no matter where He led. Possibly being able to work around going to school and then getting to work in the ministry again. Possibly working and saving up enough money to go and spend half of each year in Africa. Possibly working and saving up enough money to build/buy my dream house in the country and fill it to overflowing with abandoned and hurting children that just need to know the love of a family and the love of a Savior. Possibly to just work sharing the word of God over the highways of this Nation. Endless possibilities that God could work out the perfect plan from.

Our plan B was nothing more than an outline of a plan. For Josh to go to school and work an afternoon/night job and then we would in turn move wherever in the country he could get a decent job. Trusting that God would put us where Josh can support our family and work in the ministry God has for him.

Prayerfully we set plan A into motion. The last day at his old job my hubby found out that a ticket he got several years ago would keep him from pursuing this route after all. We immediately acknowledged that God had closed this door for us and were grateful that He was sparing us from something through this closed door. The ticket Josh got was for speeding and he was pulled over on the edge of a town right as the speed changes. He literally was in the process of slowing down but was clocked right at 20 over. As a result he is uninsurable by the trucking company. My sister got pulled over in the exact same spot the night before and only got a warning. We were confident that God knew then we would need this door closed today. However, we now have to resort to plan B and we don't have much time to prepare or work things out.

Jobless. Everything looked hopeless but we didn't stop praying and trusting. His first day without a job he filled out the FAFSA and started to look into starting school at Mid-Continent in hopes that if he went out on a limb and started working toward the ministry degree he longs for we would somehow find a job situation that would work. At the end of the day we sat in bed talking and praying. A question came up.

How do we know God closed this door for sure? Could satan just be using this as a stumbling block because he doesn't want this (plan A) to happen?

How in the world do you answer that? It completely threw us for a loop! For the better part of a week we prayed constantly looked at colleges, looked for jobs, and were pleading for answers. A full week after his last day of work a family member who is on the police force in another state told us to go to the courthouse and request traffic school for a reduction of points on my hubby's license. Closed door? Stumbling block? Should we? Shouldn't we? It was driving me absolutely nut-so! After a completely sleepless night tossing and turning it came to me.

If God shuts a door it doesn't no matter how hard you try. No matter what you do, a door God closes stays closed. Period. Stumbling blocks, on the other hand, can potentially be maneuvered around.

With this thought I finally fell into a peaceful sleep. As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning I shared this thought with my hubby who immediately left for the courthouse. He ended up getting a court date for the very next morning! AFTER he was told it could be a week or more before he could get in to see a judge. He literally sat in that court room all stinking morning until he was the ONLY one left in the whole courtroom. The judge after reviewing his record and taking time to talk to Josh completely dropped the ticket. No traffic school. No reduced points. All in time for him to start his CDL training the very next Monday. Completely Miraculous. Just like that it was back to plan A.

So here we are six hours from home in a hotel room with no hot water and a bathtub that is always on no matter how hard you try to turn it off! I'm stinking tired of moving rooms though so I think we're going to put up with cold showers and running bathtubs. Ha! My hubby is at class and last I heard he took a pre-test and only missed 2 questions after only one night of studying! While microwaving our dinner in the hotel's kitchen last night I met a couple who I talked with for a LONG time. I am physically incapable of making small talk with strangers so I am pumped. God is working through this situation. To HIM be the glory. This will be a hard and trying year for us but it will also be rewarding. I am amazed at how many hurting lonely people we have met already! Please pray for us... pray for wisdom as we continue to make decisions both big and small. Pray that God will give us the right words to minister to the people we meet along the way. Pray that I won't go completely crazy in this little hotel room trying to entertain my sweet babies.

Praising Jesus for our answered question and wondering what we should put in our future memorial box to remember this always. Do you have any suggestions?

Cotton Balls

A room full of laughing children, smiling grandmotherly old ladies... LOTS of cotton balls and sticky glue. These are my earliest memories of my journey to meeting and falling in love with the One who made me, the Creator of the universe. A journey to a Savior - a journey towards a relationship that I shall continue to pursue so long as their is breath in my lungs.

A church basement - so magical and marvelous - filled with colored sunlight pouring through the prettiest windows my three-year old eyes had ever seen. A single solitary visit to church as a child. Forever etched into my memory.

Sweet Music.
Dazzling Sunlight.
Globs of Glue.
Cotton Balls.

We were visiting my great-grandparents in Florida. It must have been the first time someone ever told me God loved me because even now the memory warms my soul as I remember that morning.

The chorus of old-timey church bells, a parking lot filled with laughter, running and jumping into my Daddy's arms. Asking if we could come back again. Proudly showing off the sheep I made. A sticky blob of cotton balls. The whispers my soul must have heard.

"I know my sheep... I love my sheep... Erica I love you..."

Such a long long time ago. Such a brief encounter with God. And yet, I remember. I never forgot.

God made me. God loved me. God was pursuing me - even as a young child. Funny how God can use something so simple...

Sunlight and cotton balls.

Love and laughter.



{The picture is what my three-year old brought home from Sunday School a couple weeks ago AFTER I originally wrote this post in my journal. (Most all my posts are written by hand in my journal and are later transferred to my blog. For some reason I can't seem to write at the computer very well. Pen and paper is more comfortable and conducive to better writing.) I bet you can imagine how amazed I was to see this precious little cotton ball lamb. I intend to frame it and display it eventually. For now it is sitting on my desk. I have a cotton ball in my Memorial Box.}

Protection Amidst the Storm

It is funny how when I first heard about a memorial box and wrote this post, I could barely come up with a single solitary item to put in such a box. God has certainly answered my prayers by opening up my eyes to see the evidence of His presence in my life. I now have a HUGE list of items I am trying to locate for my box! And a box for that matter! For now though I would like to share how God has provided for my family very recently.

As many of you know, my family has been dealing with the tragic death of my husband's Mother & Step-Father. (You can read about what happened here.) Last week was a frantic blur as we dealt with that loss. The day of the funeral my sister came to get my kids for me. At the ages of four and two we had prayerfully decided not to take them to the funeral so they were headed out to have a day of fun with Aunt Jenn. They ended up deciding to stay home and watch a movie, (a real treat for my munchkins!) instead of going elsewhere. While they were watching the movie my four year old noticed something strange.

"Aunt Jenn, the light is smoking."

My sister told me she didn't see anything at first, but my little Kayli Bugg was insistent. It didn't take Jennifer long to realize the room was in-fact filling with smoke. Evidently Kayli remembered our "If there is ever a fire talk" because she grabbed her little sister's hand and was knocking on my neighbors front door before my sister could stop freaking out long enough to follow them. My sister called the fire department because she didn't know how to unplug the light and the fire department was at our house and inside before a real fire ever broke out. Firemen told my sister that a few minutes longer and the whole house would have caught fire and been lost! Thankfully they were able to safely disconnect the light, blow all the smoke out of the house, and leave before we ever returned from the burial.

The only remnants of the near disaster is a scorch mark and a melted & charred light fixture. Because the light is so big and won't exactly fit in my Memorial Box I have decided to put a small photo album with these photographs in it instead.






When we got home and learned of what had transpired while we were gone I was in awe of what God had spared us from. Due to Linny's Blog I was all to familiar with the devastation that could have been....

If we had decided to take the girls to the funeral...

If my sister had taken them somewhere fun...

If they had been anywhere in the whole house... except sitting on the couch, watching a movie where the 'smoking light' was directly in their line of view... we would have come home to disaster....

So many ifs that no one can deny that it was God alone who provided protection over our children and protection over our home that day.

I don't know why God spared our home and not the home of another's; but, He did & we will always remember His protection.

So how about you? How has God shown up in your life? What is it that you need to remember? Why not start your own memorial box and join in on our effort to NEVER FORGET.

Memorial Box Monday...er... Tuesday

Oh my goodness, am I ever in serious bloggy trouble now. I found and fell in love with another blog, as if I don't already have entirely way to much on my plate and more than enough blog reading to waste entirely way to much time on. Seriously though, it is an awesome blog and the lady who writes it lives a life very similar to the one that I dream of having one day so.... needless to say I am hooked. I think its kinda obvious at this point that I am hooked on MckMama's Not Me Monday, and now I am hooked on Memorial Box Monday. You can read all about it at A Place Called Simplicity.

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2008/10/how-about-memorial-box-mondays-aka-we.html

Basically though, it is all about saving little items to remind you of the fact that we serve a miracle-working, mountain-moving, awe-inspiring, gasp-giving God. (Isn't that the most amazing concept to try and grasp!!!) It is time to sit back and reflect over the things God has done for little 'ole me. I am going to embrace this because I know that I have fallen short in this area. It is my prayer from today forward that I will never overlook what God is doing in my life. So I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting over my life and thinking about how I've seen God move in and around me. For my very first memorial post I would like to introduce you to a common every day ink pen. It has the Philips Medical Systems emblem on it.

Please excuse the fact I don't have a photograph right now.. I'm having technical issues trying to get my camera and iphoto to communicate with each other. (By the way, if you happen to be a mac user, I seriously need your help. $1,000+ pictures trapped and that is not an exaggeration in the least!)

Ahem...Anyways... a philips ink pen... how strange!?! I know, but let me tell you the story that goes with it. When I was a young child my parents never attended church. The only time I ever went was when we visited my great grandparents at their winter home in Florida. At best that was once a year. My parents both did not know the Lord and had no desire to go to church at all. I never heard a Bible story, I didn't go to Sunday School, or Vacation Bible School. I did not know who God was or who Jesus was. Outside of one solitary visit to a church with my great-grandparents in Florida as a young child I had no concept of anything spiritual.

When I was in first grade my Dad graduated college and got his very first job since being discharged from the army, (yeah I was an army brat... little known fact about me.) We moved to Tupelo Mississippi and my Mom hated it. Oh my goodness did she ever hate it, she begged my Dad to take the first job offer out of there. "I don't care where we go," she said, "ANYWHERE but here." It didn't take long for Dad to get another job offer, we were in Mississippi less than a year before he was transfered to work in the position where he still works today. It doesn't seem like a big deal but it is to me. When my Dad got out of college he could have gone anywhere in the whole country to work, but he ended up in Mississippi. He could have been any number of places that my Mom would have loved, but instead they were in a place my Mom hated, they then could have been transferred anywhere in the world, but we ended up smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt. A family that never went to church before was surrounded by a bazillion churches.

I am who I am today all because of the job my Dad accepted when I was in 2nd grade. If it wasn't for the philips company I never would have had a sweet old lady teach me year after year in Sunday School things like, "don't let your left hand know when your right hand is doing something good." I never would have been given the great fortune to make a good friend who would take me to church when my parents wouldn't. I wouldn't have attended church camp with that friend and meet Jesus as my eternal Savior. I wouldn't have been able to attend an awesome Bible believing, Bible preaching church out in the middle of a fescue field that would help me to grow and spiritually blossom.

Who I am today is because of my friends in high school, my mentors from church, and a few really awesome teachers, and to a certain extent a sweet blonde haired girl who rode my afternoon bus in middle school. If it wasn't for Philips Medical Systems I would have been influenced by a completely different set of people. I would be a completely different person. Amazing! Looking back I see that God most definitely was pursuing me, even from birth. How else would a girl whose family's roots are deeply embedded in upstate New York, be birthed on an army base in the deep south, and later end up smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt? If that is not a testimony to the fact that God loves me and pursues me I don't know what is. I just LOVE it!

Trust me, I was and still am to a certain degree a very wild, strong willed, child. I so very easily could have become a very different person. I can name certain people who have had such an important role in helping me become me, without them I would be very different. I know, that I know, that I know God was actively pursuing me, putting things into motion before I was even conceived, that would lead me to where I am today. Lord Jesus I thank you from the bottom of my heart for pursuing me, before I was even born, and allowing me to be put exactly where I needed to be to learn about You and Your mercy, and Your grace, and Your love for me. Amazing! !!!

Sidenote: The best part though is that God didn't pursue just me, He pursues you also! I challenge you to consider how God has pursued you, and if you have yet to find Jesus as your Savior, the One who paid the penalty for the sin debt you never could pay, consider... is it possible that He is pursuing you even now... ?

Anyways, I thought it would be fitting to start my memorial box by placing in it something that would be foundational to who I am today, something that directly related to my salvation. Who would have thunk it, God used a global healthcare company to land me in the one place God knew I needed to be in order to become me.