It's Been One Week

The happiest and saddest day of our lives was a week ago today.

So very hard to say goodbye to four beautiful boys that I could not have loved more if I had birthed them myself.

So very happy to know that we had done our job well, that their Mom had made the hard changes she needed to make, and they were able to be the family TOGETHER that they were meant to be.

So very VERY thankful that my sorrow is another Mother's happiness. 

It's the only thing that makes it bearable.

We took some time to grieve as a family. To be sad about what we had lost.

No more sons.

No more brothers.

Now that we had time to process that grief we are able to soak up the joy and relief that their Mom is willing for us to still keep in contact.

My house is so SO quiet. I had not realized how loud and crazy hectic it had become until they left. I have been so tired this past week it has taken all of my energy to get out of bed, fix meals, and keep up with our bare bones schedule.

My Momma said it was because I was so mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted.

I think she was right.

When you are in the middle of living and loving you don't even realize how much work it is. It has to be done so you do it. It doesn't feel like work and you don't mind it one single bit.

Now my body is demanding a rest so a rest is what I've given it. I've soaked up a week of quiet snuggles and peaceful afternoons. No rushing out the door every morning and afternoon. No evenings spent refereeing dinner as if it is being served up to a pack of ravenous wolves. No more "you're not my real Mom and I hate it here." No more snuggles at bed time and sweet silly songs that make giggles erupt uncontrollably. No more of a lot of things. Some good moments I will cherish and miss for the rest of my life. Some I won't miss much at all.

These changes equally make my heart hurt and my heart swell.

It's weird but I think one of the boys said it best. I can't remember for certain his exact words but it was something along the lines of being in foster care splits you in half. You have two lives. You like both and want to live both, and for a while you do. But you can't forever. You eventually can only have one.

So a new chapter in our lives as foster parents begins. We are in the process of possibly slowly transitioning a teenager out of a group home into our home. She has been to dinner the past two nights and will be having an overnight visit with us this weekend. I have no idea how long this transition period will last but seems like it could be a month or two. Entirely different ballgame from having four boys dropped in our lap on a sunny summer afternoon.

Our new girl needs a blogname but I'm not sure what it will be just yet. I never did that for the boys and as a result didn't blog about them as much as I wish I had. There is so much cute stuff I forgot because I didn't take the time to write about it and I'm not going to make that mistake again. Well, I'm going to try not to anyway. She is the sweetest thing ever. She wants to be loved and accepted. Her desire for those two things just oozes out of her.

There is also rumor of a possible second teenager that needs a home that may end up here. The list of places she has gone to school and lived at in the past year or so makes my breath catch in my lungs and my heart feel as if its cracked and leaking with every beat it takes. It just baffles my mind how a child can be bounced around and need someone to take the time to love them, just where they are. Two teenage girls who have a history of hurt and pain and no one who has ever taken the time to love them for who they are unconditionally. When it gets hard they get passed on to the next person. Sometimes ripped away to a new home by no fault of their own. That blows. We want to love them just like a Mom and Dad are supposed to. No.Matter.What. It would be an honor for us to take them in and I hope we get to. But I reckon it's a safe bet that there are more out there that need us so… if you have room in your heart to shuffle around your daily schedule a bit and make room for a child or a teenager who needs to know the unconditional love of a parent. {It IS work but it is so very very worth the effort.} Please call Farrah. Her picture and number is in my sidebar to the right.