I must confess: A Stale Relationship with God

Some women boast in their independence and self reliance. 

I.am.so.NOT.one.of them!!!

I am so dependent on my husband it is pathetic. Quite frankly I like it that way. My man has been my very best friend since we started dating when I was 15 years old.  He’s ALWAYS been there for me. I love knowing I can trust and depend on him. Not many women are that fortunate and having that is very special to me and makes me feel so very loved.

The problem is even the very best of guys can’t always be there. As became the case when Josh felt prompted to leave his stable comfortable job for something very different, very uncomfortable, and very time consuming. I knew starting this trucking job would be tough but I figured I could handle it no problem. I survived his absence for a whole year when he was depl*yed to Ir*q so... a few weeks at a time with the convenience of cell phones would be a cake walk in comparison.

HA! 

I had no idea how spoiled rotten I had become. It became obvious VERY quickly that there were several things I had been taking for granted. For instance, since Josh first left on the truck...

I’ve actually had to... wait for it...  put gas in my car. {gasp}

I’ve had to carry groceries and sleeping children into the house without any help.

I’ve had to re-learn to mow. {For the record my parents owned a mower with a steering wheel when I was a teenager... the two handled bar things are confusing to steer with!}

I’ve had to touch raw chicken! {Double gag since I’m pregnant and puking is naturally easier for me right now.}

I would have had to learn to unclog a toilet if I hadn’t conned a teenager into that one!

This list could go on and on and on but I won’t bore you.

As enlightening as all these daily life experiences were, the thing I missed most was simply his presence. Before he started trucking all around the country I spent the bulk of my days glancing at the time in anticipation of his return home from work. So naturally, a few days into his training period and I was miserable. The days just kept piling up and turned to weeks. (In all six very looong weeks his first time out.)

I knew going into this I would miss him like crazy. I knew I would probably cry a bunch. I knew I’d miss seeing his mischievous grin. I knew I’d miss his hugs and kisses. I knew it would be rough...     and.it.was!

What I didn’t anticipate is that through my husbands grueling six week absence, (including spotty cell-phone coverage which made communication sparse) the realization that I needed to confess that my relationship with God had become very formal, even impersonal. Dare I use the word fake? 

Don’t look at me like that. I’m not a ‘bad’ Christian. I pray and read my Bible daily most days. I go to church. I’m a model christian... and yet I’ve discovered my relationship with God had become very stale, way to formal, and yes, even fake.

As the days were turning into weeks and it was getting harder and harder for me to stay emotionally stable God began to speak to my heart...

“Why don’t you tell me” He’d whisper when I complained about how unfair it was that I couldn’t talk to Josh and tell him about what was going on here at home.

“Why don’t you long to spend more time with me?” He’d whisper when I was wallowing in loneliness.

“I’m here,” He’d whisper when I’d cry into my pillow at night.

“Don’t you want to talk to me,” He’d ask when I’d dial Josh and get his voicemail for the 600th time. 

Every single day, every single time, I acknowledged Josh’s absence God was there inviting me to spend time with Him. 

The one thing that has become overly abundantly clear to me through all of this is that God. THE creator of this universe. THE all powerful, Holy , Righteous, Sovereign, Omnipotent, King of Kings and Lord of Lords is pursuing a close intimate personal relationship with me...

There are simply no words!!

He wants to hear me cry out to Him when my children have pushed me to wits end. He wants to talk to me when I feel lonely. Furthermore He’s right here with me so I’m not ever alone.

The funny thing is, this is something I’ve known for years. It’s not new knowledge on any level. I know we are commanded to pray without ceasing. I know we are called to a personal relationship with Christ, and yet somewhere along the way I’ve let life crowd into time I used to spend with God. I’ve had periods of a closer relationship with God but I’d let the demands of being a wife and a mother and keeping house and even church activities... all suck away time I should have been spending on simply talking to God. I guess sometimes the longest distance a lesson has to travel is from the brain to the heart.

Is it just me?

Truthfully, (anything less wouldn’t be fair to you) what would your relationship with your spouse (or your closest human companion) be like if your time spent communicating mirrored the communication you share with God?

How often would you talk? Upon waking, before meals, during quiet time, before bed, when prompted by others requests or needs?

That is what it was like for me. Very formal. Very scheduled. 

That’s no way to cultivate a relationship!

Shocker of shockers we don’t have to set apart long chunks of time to pray long drawn out prayers to talk to God. He accepts short sentence fragments peppered throughout the day.