When Life is Overwhelming

Life sometimes throws you curve balls. Then there are times you get a sucker punch to the gut that knocks the breath right out of you. Other times you're sinking so slowly that you don't even fully become aware of it until you're neck deep in quick sand and the weight of life has you completely paralyzed and you go from thinking you're doing ok to complete panic because you're not treading water keeping afloat like you thought; no, you're inches from suffocating and you have no idea how you got from point A to point B but you're keenly aware you are unable to fix this mess and nothing short of a miraculous rescue can save you now. I feel like an ugly cocktail of all three was my demise.

A foster care related curve ball flew a sucker punch to my gut that knocked me flat. When I came to I was disoriented enough to wake me to the fact I was up to my chin in the quicksand of day to day life spending 24/7 with 4-14 kids while my husband works in the neighborhood of 60 hours a week between his two jobs.

When life throws you curve balls, sucker punches you and leaves you drowning in quicksand. When you're powerless to fix things. When you're too scared to let people in to your hurts and your struggles. There is only one thing I know to do and that is to lean in deep to the One in control. I'm currently reading through the New Testament with a group of ladies and a piece of Mathew 6:2 jumped out at me. "... as the hypocrites do (like actors acting out a role)... "

I felt convicted. All of a sudden I felt like a hypocrite. An actress in an elaborate roll where I am some super Mommy who loves being around a million kids and handles it all with a good mood/attitude. Even the trauma of foster care and the overwhelming yuck that brings with it. Truth is I am overwhelmed and miserable right now. Just hoping that one day God will restore my joy and groove. The hypocrisy is unintentional. I try to put on a brave face. Try to trust God with the yuck and make the best of it. The problem is too much brave face creates a false narrative. I'm no super Mommy. I'm no saint. None of this comes easy. Everyone always tells me "No, way I could do what you do." Spoiler alert. I can't do it either. Every. Single. Day. Is. A. Struggle. Yes, every day has joy and good, but also every day is really really hard and sometimes it's hard to dig out the from under the heaviness of it all. 

I was prompted to admit that I'm not thriving but drowning and miserable. So I put it out there on instagram and facebook. Told the ugly truth. I'm miserable and not having much fun. And you know what happened guys. 

So. Much. Love.

I'm such a keep it all in, private, walls mile high kinda gal. So much past hurt from letting people in to see the real me paved an impenetrable fortress around my heart. I let no one in. Ever. Opening up and letting others see the very real hurt in my raw and open wound gave me a chance to be filled up with words of love and encouragement. I got phone calls and texts and comments full of love and advice. 

You guys. I know I am not the only one. Afraid to let people in. Afraid to let people know I'm hurting, struggling, miserable, drowning. Life is hard. There are struggles and potholes and sinkholes and dumpster fires and so SO much broken in this busted up world. Stop hiding. Stop acting. Put yourself out there. Tell the truth. Let people in. Let others love you. Help others in the same ditch. 

No one can do this alone. 

We need each other. 

If you've been going it alone. Not letting people in. Reach out. Walls keep everything out. The hurt and the love. Risk the hurt. Let us know how we can love on and encourage you.