Confession: I wish I could fast forward through the nitty gritty.

Here lately I've been really bogged down by the nitty gritty of life. Some things in life are so mundane and some tasks seem to be never ending. For example no matter how many times I run the dishwasher there are dirty dishes threatening to overtake my sink and don't even get me started on the never ending loads of laundry. (I can't figure out how two children so small produce such large amounts of dirty clothes! I mean come on, they are not even half the size of Josh and I and I swear their pile of laundry is three times the size of the one in our bedroom at any given moment!) Some days I just think to myself why bother? Why get out of bed and go through the motions of cleaning the house, cooking, and all that other nonsense when I'll just have to do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I would much rather stay cuddled up in bed then try to brave it all.... again. I know God has a purpose and a plan for my life, one thats for good not evil, but its easy to loose sight of that when I'm surrounded by so much repetition of the horribly mundane.

Sometimes I really have to be careful to keep from wishing my life was a little bit different. I must admit that it would be nice to have had the chance to live life care free for a little while. Enjoy going to college without the strains of marriage or motherhood. Enjoy going to a party with a bunch of friends (not the whole getting wasted type of partying - that doesn't really appeal to me - I mean goo clean fun that won't destroy my brain cells or rot my sense of modesty or language.) It would be so nice to go back to when my biggest concern in life was my grades and every day was centered on me and what I wanted--not on diaper changes, feedings, books, and snotty noses. I sound so selfish right now and I hate that but I feel like I need to be honest and this is honestly how I feel some days, well most days as of late.

Katherine has been sick lately and that has made things just that much more unbearable. Usually I get a few breaks a week. (I understand that it might not seem like I do a whole lot considering I'm a stay-at-home Mom but it really is a 24 hr 7 days a week job. I don't get to leave the pressures of work behind and go home after a long work day. No, I am here all day long every day.) Back to my usual breaks...Sundays and Wednesdays are when I get to drop the kids off at the church nursery, where they get to socialize with kids their age and I get my much needed sanity saving adult time... well sorta Wednesdays I'm surrounded by teenagers....Back to my point... with Kat being sick I'm not getting to take any breathers. I'm stuck here in this stuffy germ filled house with with a snotty baby clinging to me every second while I'm trying to get through my mundane never ending chores. (Not easy when juggling the extra 25 pounds Kat weighs.) And lets not forget about my rambunctious toddler constantly vying for my time and attention.

I have been patting Kat's back trying to help her get to sleep in her own bed to give my dead arms a break. Her hair is all matted from being sweaty and her nose is gushing snot so profusely that it closely rivals Niagara Falls. (Sorry I know thats really gross but it seriously could.) She really is so pathetic and helpless and all she wants is me. She wants to feel my touch, to lay her head on my chest so she can hear my heartbeat. Her eyes are closed and her breathing has steadied. She just sighed really deeply and I know she is content and perfectly happy now. It is such a tender moment and has left a warm feeling in my heart. This is why I go through the mundane, this is why I gave up living the life of a care free young adult. So I can sit here and bring comfort to my precious baby girl. When her little world is falling apart with cold chills, a raging fever, and a tiny little aching body I am the one she looks to. It is SO humbling.



God has found a way to help me get over this hump and realize that I am very blessed to be where I am in life. (It never ceases to amaze me what wonderful things HE can do.) Now I hope I can always hold this tender moment in my heart to help me get through the nitty gritty when I come face to face with it in my future because it is almost certain to come knocking again. As are the dirty dishes, smelly laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, ....

Thanks for listening. I feel better after getting all that off my chest! Kat is whimpering again, I better get back to patting!