My mom has told me time and time again that when I was a little girl I was the apple of my Daddy's eye. The cat's meow if you will. I try to imagine my Dad twirling me around as I laugh with sheer delight and am wrapped in his big warm hug, dizzied by his love just as much as by the twirling. I don't remember it. My imagination is all I have. Let's face it. Somewhere in that 'awkward transformation' between little girl to young woman some Dad's just don't know how to relate. They can't seem to handle the change. Poor Dad's—they don't have any idea what they are dealing with.
My impression of my father growing up isn't exactly one that gives you warm fuzzies in your heart. When I think of him I see someone cold and strict—someone who doesn't understand why girls cry about everything and is angered by tears. (Keep in mind that this is the recollection of a teenage girl, he wasn't really cold and heartless. He just seemed that way.) Not that I can blame him. Growing up with no sisters and being raised by a Mom who had only brothers doesn't exactly give a man many opportunities to learn about the complexities of a delicate female heart. (Not that any man has ever succeeded to understand anyways.) So, through no fault of his own my Dad wasn't a, snuggle you close, listen to your hopes, fears, and dreams kind of Daddy. Hugs and "I love you" were reserved for special occasions. I was only guaranteed two a year, my birthday and Christmas—though I did get lucky a couple years with the occasional admittance to the hospital.
As a female teenager I craved affection. As much as I hate to admit it, when cornered in dark hallways by a hormone driven boyfriend who 'loved' me I let him take advantage of me. Searching for, even daring to hope for, affection and love. Bad idea—take my word on this one—no, and I do mean NO, hormone driven boy can ever come close to dishing out the affection and love you crave and desire. They don't care about your emotions. They only care about getting down your pants. It's not entirely their fault. Unfortunately they are 'hormone happy' and without proper guidance (which so few get) they don't know how to appropriately handle their hormones. So what is a girl supposed to do? (Well for starters stay out of dark abandoned hallways, and the backseat of cars, dark theaters, closed bedrooms, empty houses, or any other place you can get even a resemblance of privacy. Just so you know—I was stupid and made that dumb mistake so you don't have to make the same one. Also, consider yourself warned, most church boys aren't immune to hormones.)
First and foremost you need to understand no matter what kind of earthly father you have—whether it be the best, the worst, the non-existent, or some variation of the three—you need a heavenly Father. God knew you before you were ever born. He carefully formed you. He understands your deepest innermost thoughts and feelings because He created you to think and feel the way you do. God loves you more than any earthly father ever could. No matter where you've been in life, what you've gone through, or what you've done; He looks down on you with love. He can't see you any other way. If you haven't already put your faith and trust in Him I encourage you to do so. We've all 'fallen short of the glory of God' but Jesus came to be our 'doorway to heaven.' Trust me—Daddy God has a lap that is always available. You can crawl up in His lap any time day or night, cry on His shoulder, and He will always be there to show you the love you need most of all. Once you've got the Heavenly Father taken care of it is much easier to address the problem of earthly father.
If you are fortunate enough to have a father who knows God, I suggest praying for your Dad. Ask God to change his heart, to show your Dad you need his love and affection. If you are comfortable enough, take the time to talk to your Dad about it. If you are really luck and have a Christian Mom also, you can ask her to talk to him for you if that is easier.
If you, like me, find yourself with a Dad incapable of showing love and affection because he doesn't know how, or understand he needs to, due to the fact he does not know or believe in God—trust me, this renders most guys completely incapable of meeting the needs you have in your life—or, if you don't have a father figure in your life at all, I suggest you do what I did. First pray! Pray that God would lay on your heart a Godly man who could step in and be a spiritual father for you. Don't get me wrong. God can meet all your needs exceedingly, abundantly; however, sometimes a girl just needs someone with skin on! Once you have someone in mind, go talk to that individual. I did. Asking 'Poppa Steve' to be my spiritual father was rather awkward; but, it has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. I have had a male father figure to pray for and with me, to screen potential boyfriends, and even 'double date' when a guy was deemed suitable. He has been there to listen to my fears and hurts and never once was angered by my tears, nor did he ever once see me without giving me a hug and telling me how much he loves me. He attended my graduation, bought me a toilet plunger for my bridal shower (because only a Dad would choose to buy that,) visited me in the hospital when my babies were born, and most importantly has been there to pray with me for my Dad. The best part is I am triply blessed. I have a real flesh and blood Dad who I know loves me—even if he can't express it well or often—I have a Heavenly Father who is there for me no matter what or when, and I have a spiritual Dad who has been everything a Christian father should be, even though we have no blood ties.
End result: a very fortunate young lady who was able to learn to stay away from 'hormone happy' boys and that was given the opportunity to experience the ups and downs and joy of true love; because, I was first shown love by a Dad.
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